Nuclear fusion is truly phenomenal. It’s what powers every star in the universe, and is the solution to the global energy crisis. Glossing over the fact you need temperatures of around 100 million °C for it to work, fusion is simply the merging of two small hydrogen atoms into a bigger helium nucleus during which, a literal fuck-tonne of energy is released. Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of fusion is how plentiful the required fuel is with deuterium (an isotope hydrogen) found mostly in sea water.
Like nuclear fusion, some wonderful genius has taken two things of the utmost abundance; metal breakdowns and over 360 episodes of the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon series and fused them together, unleashing the spectacular, essential, glorious product of xSPONGEXCOREx.
Opening with ominous synths followed by a jovial piano melody confirming that, yes, this is the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, as a clash of symbols and surge of power-chords rip open this six-track EP. ‘Bold And Thrash’ is identical to previous releases from xSPONGEXCOREx; samples of the angriest, most twisted Spongebob sound bites over heavily distorted, devastating, br00tal hardcore breakdowns. Well, not quite identical, as this EP features guest vocals from none other than Hey Arnold’s own Helga G “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, FOOTBALL HEAD?!” Pataki.
Nevertheless, ‘Bold And Thrash’ is over 8 minutes of nautical, gnarly nonsense. Oh, sure, it’s doomed to forever be skipped over in future playlists, but this novelty is still a noteworthy one.
Written by Andy Roberts (@Sassensquatch)