EP REVIEW: Dines X Heafy – Dines X Heafy

Release Date: December 4th 2020
Label: Roadrunner Records
Website: None available
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jareddinesofficial / www.facebook.com/matthewkheafy
Twitter: www.twitter.com/jareddines / www.twitter.com/matthewkheafy

Rating:

Dines X Heafy is pretty much the Ronseal of collaborative projects; it does exactly what it says on the tin. Metal-centric content creator Jared Dines and Trivium frontman Matt Heafy unite to run the gamut of riff-laden, mainstream metal anthems, with somewhat of a tongue-in-cheek approach, or so one would hope.

Being totally realistic, there’s little in any of these five tracks to differentiate them from b-sides; songs possibly too cheesy or weak to make the cut for a Trivium album. Call it cynical, but there’s really not much else here.

Heafy‘s vocals sound so raspy and forced, it’s as if all takes were banged out in one quick afternoon of recording. There’s little on the production side to help beef them up either, leading to quite a hollow, incomplete sounding vocal performance which is only made increasingly worse by the clunky, cringe-worthy lyrics that are as basic and ham-fisted as every thirteen-year old’s first attempt at penning a metal song.

Now, this is evidently a passion project, and certain moments like the early Slipknot era sing/rap verses on ‘Dying At The Sight Of The Rain’ do hint at a desire to explore some intriguing ideas. But, for the most part, clunkers like opener ‘Dear Anxiety’ and ‘Can We Turn Back Yesterday?’ just blur together in a puddle of mediocrity.

Even the ludicrously impressive guitar noodling and sweeping on ‘To Save Me From Myself’ can’t save itself from formulaic song-writing, uninspired lyrics, and forced vocals which ground the entire project firmly in blandville.

While expectedly technically proficient, these five paint-by-numbers metal genericisms offer nothing of note or merit outside of two friends shooting the shit. For those not already on their knees worshipping at the shrine of Trivium, there’s little of Dines‘ humour or personality to elevate this project to anything beyond a forgettable twenty minutes of your life which you won’t get back.