ALBUM: Steel Panther – All You Can Eat

Release Date: April 1st, 2014
Label: Kobalt


Steel Panther are fucking hilarious. ‘All You Can Eat’ is album #4 for the hairspray adoring outfit, continuing where ‘Balls Out’ left off, and is jam-packed full of glam metal exuberance, overly aggressive sexual lyrics and down-right absurd song subjects.

Even an office worker would struggle to suppress a grin listening to ‘All You Can Eat’. Just take a look at the tracklist for instant giggles. Highlights include ‘Gangbang At The Old Folks Home’, ‘Bukkake Tears’, and ‘You’re Beautiful When You Don’t Talk’. This isn’t just a case of a band writing irrelevant song titles though – Steel Panther have actually written songs about these things. ‘Gloryhole’ is about exactly that, with lyrics of “I wanna know who’s sucking my dick today / Goin’ to the gloryhole, gonna blow my weekly pay”.

The thing about Steel Panther, though, is that they’re actually a fucking good band musically as well. They’re geniuses, and without their choice of lyrical content they’re exactly like Van Halen or Def Leppard. You can imagine your rocker dad putting their CD and then slowly becoming appalled. Somehow the most SFW song is ‘Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World’, which includes in a classic Whitesnake-esque standing-on-a-mountaintop guitar solo.

Steel Panther truly don’t give a shit. Not even Michael Fish wielding a double dildo running naked through the BBC television centre could compare to some of the bizarre lyrics on ‘All You Can Eat’. Even the lapses are strange: you wonder what ‘B.V.S.’ stands for, and then the song jumps straight into “big vagina syndrome!”.

Steel Panther are actually headlining Wembley Arena soon. On paper this is an impossible move, but if you saw how popular they’ve been at Download Festival, you’ve gotta wonder whether they’ll be headliner material very soon.

Written by MG Savage (@MGSavagewriter)