ALBUM REVIEW: The (John) Candy – 28 Samples Later

Release Date: December 15th 2020
Label: Rad Dudes, Inc.
Website: None available
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thejohncandy
Twitter: None available

Rating:

If you research the bio of The (John) Candy, you’ll find a plethora of terms to describe their sound; “a nostalgia machine, an embarrassment, sample-core, nostalgia-core, tribute-core”. You get the idea. If it isn’t obvious from their moniker or those vivid descriptions, the Orange County based group are very much a joke-band.

Utilising near countless samples to staple together audible collages of vapid chugcore bookended by majorly off-putting samples of everything, from 80s hits like ‘(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life’ (on the obviously titled ‘Quarantime Of My Life’) to Korn‘s ‘Blind’, their second full-length, ’28 Samples Later’, is a genuinely abysmal waste of cosmic dust, a forty-five-minute joke that falls flat within thirty seconds. The fact that they also released their debut album, ‘Orange County’, this same year should provide adequate insight into how much time, thought, and craft goes into a project.

Now, they make take the same approach that made killwhitneydead a far more successful guilty pleasure within the hardcore scene almost two decades ago, but without any of the vision, ability, or purpose that supported their original merit or intent. This is just nonsense. Cringe-inducing, unfunny, baffling, face-palming nonsense. Yes, there’s no denying that drawing negativity is likely part of the ethos, the “so bad it’s good” school of thought, but this fails to meet even that standard.

’28 Samples Later’ is a monotonous barrage of chugathon bog-standard breakdowns with basic mid-growled vocals that appear to touch upon the current pandemic and state of the world, while marrying these topics to movie imagery. There really is no depth or thought or anything more than placeholder lyrical fodder though, and the band know full well that we know.

Be it a dumb clip from some lowest common denominator comedy, a violently awful early noughties EDM track, or actually sampling ‘I Will Always Love You’ by Whitney Houston, all three of which occur on the painfully unfunny ‘Funky Butt Loving’, the intent goes no further than to be unceremoniously wedged into a breakdown. It creates a truly ugly, exhausting listen that doesn’t even succeed at its most basic aspirations, if you can call them that.

Falling flat as both a metal album and a comedy project, this is a sobering example of wasted money, effort, and time. Theirs and yours. Use the quarantine artwork as a fitting reminder to avoid this rubbish like the plague.