ALBUM REVIEW: Eskimo Callboy – Rehab

Release Date: November 1st 2019
Label: Century Media Records


Some things just won’t go away, will they? Electro-tinged metalcore was initially an interesting idea, but Attack Attack! unknowingly spawned a monster. Eskimo Callboy are back once again, forcing their semi-robotic tripe onto us in the form of their fifth album, ‘Rehab’.

We open with the EDM segue ‘Take Me To’, featuring the “take me to rehab” hook, and, surprise surprise, we segue into ‘Rehab’. We already see a disparity before us; the band no doubt thought naming the tracks in this way was clever, but it’s trite as hell. The rapping feels incredibly try-hard, and you know it’ll be a long ride from here.

What’s noticeable, however, is that Eskimo Callboy have toned it down a bit compared to previous offerings. Still, this doesn’t succeed in making it a more endearing effort, exposing them further as having absolutely nothing to say.

‘It’s Going Down’ is just over a minute long, rendering it utterly pointless, as if it’s tacked on to the album for the sake of it. Also, reliably lacking in self-awareness, they’ve become one of many bands that imitate Bring Me The Horizon badly. ‘Hurricane’ sounds like a b-side from ‘That’s The Spirit’, and contains one of the most basic riffs ever committed to tape.

‘Okay’‘s irritating sampled chipmunk-like vocal hook feels even more like they’ve made every effort to hop on to a trend. You think we actually asked for more chipmunk vocals? Keep this shit in Diplo‘s bin where it belongs.

The almost nu-metal ‘Made By America’, the band’s attempt at an anti-consumerism song, is a slight improvement, even if it isn’t by much. And the pop-rock ‘Supernova’ is the only track that’s a real deviation, yet it still feels incredibly processed and half-arsed.

But we’re woken up from our slumber by the soul-crushingly awful ‘Nice Boi’, which has the stench of a pub toilet after the beer-and-curry discount evening. The verses are seemingly designed to be as annoying as possible, capped off by the lyric “I wanna rip your fucking face off”. Do you now, Sebastian? Why not talk things out? There, there, you’re shaking. Breathe in… and out. Feel better?

You may wonder why something so vacuous and unpleasant sits before you, before the penny drops. Eskimo Callboy may not actually be making music, but merely producing sounds and splicing them together as a means of reminding people they exist.

In spite of the slight change in sound, Eskimo Callboy have hashed out another style-over-substance affair. ‘Rehab’ reeks of a band running out of ideas, and could possibly be the last odour to emit from this bloated corpse.