ALBUM: Eskimo Callboy – We Are The Mess

Release Date: January 14th, 2014
Label: Redfield Records


Really? You’re still going to keep making this pandering metal bullshit? Have you not heard of progress? Pushing the boundaries? Trying something new? No, of course not, because bands like Eskimo Callboy don’t try anything new. What happens is a genuine genre-busting band, like Enter Shikari, come along and then its bands like these who take that music and water it down to a level that is accessible to the easily pleased masses.

There is quite literally nothing that Eskimo Callboy can offer to the musical world other than a few piss-poor dance tracks to fill the lull of a metal club setlist. They’re no different from all the other ridiculous dance metal bands out there like Skip The Foreplay. It’s the same chugging, palm riffs over the same mind-numbingly generic club beats with the same vain, vacuous lyrics that many before them have brought to the table. Sure, the aggressive vocals are good and the metal aspect ticks all the right boxes, but that means nothing when the songs are this asinine.

This particularly pointless subgenre of dance-metal has been around for years and it hasn’t progressed at all. It serves to give alt/emo girls something to twerk their pale flat asses to and nothing more. The novelty of having dub/hardcore breakdown mix wore off quicker than Tesco Value varnish in the rain.

You know what sucks? Despite the fact I’m rightfully giving this album 1/10, people are going to eat this shit up. If a night out where at one point you nearly choke on your own vomit while your friends surround you Instagramming your idiodicy and captioning it #YOLO sounds like a right laugh, or “totes banter” to you, then this is right up your street. This is music at its worst.

Written by Andy Roberts