ALBUM: For All Those Sleeping – Cross Your Fingers

Release Date: July 20th, 2010
Label: Fearless Records
Website: None available


The problem with reviewing music you just can’t see any value in is that often you overcompensate your judgements one way or the other citing bands as good examples of bad genres in order to be proportional, fair and balanced to those that may be interested in such brain-melting recycled pulp. Such behaviour has become a personal vice when dealing with the sonic STI to the ears that is the criminally named brand of bland the masses call ‘post-hardcore’. However, this write-up for ‘Cross Your Fingers’ by For All Those Sleeping will not be so misleadingly generous and forgiving.

They aren’t any worse than what’s slumped and floundered before us in the past, it’s just that the values of what is worth listening to and what could be a thinly veiled PR campaign for ’emotional’ hair products, tweenager sex symbols and sub standard Drop Dead fashion rip-offs need to be addressed. The sentence for previous crimes committed? Community service, rehabilitation to civilised society and an exorcism all rolled into one album review. Here goes.

From the cliché filter sweep intro of the opening track, the hideously titled ‘Outbreak Of Heartache’, you know you’re in for something spectacularly mediocre. The screaming is terrible sounding, at different points, either like a frog with laryngitis in its croak or the comically asthmatic roars of Smosh‘s youtube pastiches. It feels awfully try-hard and just a little tagged on as a side note to tick the boxes and add some transparent lacklustre gruff that utterly fails, falling completely flat. The drums have been so heavily edited and resampled that at times it sounds like a rusted stiff tin robot programmed to play only banal beatdown pop-punk beats has fallen over onto the kit and is desperately trying to re-right itself to no avail. There are the 21st century’s answer to war crime, the obligatory ‘hardcore’ cheese synth stinking up the place but the less said about that the better. It’s not like anyone is unfamiliar with its unique power to cheapen anything it touches anymore anyway. ‘I’m Not Dead Yet’ is the only passable track on offer with its handful of good ideas smothered in sub-Fall Out Boy slop and throat tickling tantrum screams.

Amongst all this negativity For All Those Sleeping should be applauded on one point. They’ve done brilliantly collecting every single bad idea and mistake onto one album without abandoning their band name, which they live up to with great effect; this album couldn’t rouse a chronic insomniac overdosed on energy drinks and pro-plus. ‘Cross Your Fingers’ is exhausting to listen to.

Music induced fatigue, poor lyrics, fatally inept delivery and a clear, predictable blueprint to each track that can be spotted a mile off; this is an album that splutters out the symptoms of its incestuous, self-consuming genre. A genre where the same stock sound is thrown up and spewed out, each time with a new set of off the shelf heroes who won’t know any better, each badly inked with the same piercing combos across the faces of their member cast. Good bands release multiple copies of their albums so that multiple people can listen to them. We don’t need bad bands to make up the shortfall.

‘Cross Your Fingers’ you won’t ever have to put yourself through these 33 minutes and go live a life full of joy and wonderment, neither of which can be found here. Flee.

Written by Greg Johnson

Founder & Editor for DEAD PRESS! | Atheist and antitheist. | Judge of the quick & the dead since 1989.

Founder & Editor for DEAD PRESS! | Atheist and antitheist. | Judge of the quick & the dead since 1989.